Obviously I'm New At This #2

So, I’m completely delusional.  Prior to having Keller, I had this idea in my head as to how my life would be in the 12 weeks I was off work.  It was very June Cleaver-ish.  Or maybe you’d prefer Danny Tanner-ish, minus the job.  I couldn’t wait.  I knew I’d have a small child depending on me, but I also knew newborns sleep a lot.  So, while he was sleeping, I thought I’d just be a little worker bee and get so much accomplished.  Super Mom, they’d call me. (I’m not sure who ‘they’ are, but I was sure someone would call me that.)

Here is what I envisioned:

Obviously, my house would be clean at all times.  With 3 very shedding animals, this would require daily vacuuming.  And that’s not an exaggeration.  It would also require frequent dusting, several times per week.  But no problem, because I’ve got ALL day.  In fact, my house would be so clean, I’d be looking for things to clean.  I’d get to those things that always get put off, like ceiling fans and windows and the basement.

Laundry would always be caught up. 

I would make dinner every night.  The funny part about this is that Dustin is the cook in our house.  If it were up to me, we’d have grilled cheese or oatmeal every night.  So, this task would first require me learning how to cook.  But, geez, with 12 weeks…I’ll be a master chef by the time I have to go back to work.

I’d become a couponing queen, practically getting our groceries for free, while building up lifetime supplies of things like floss and body wash and cat treats that my cat doesn’t even eat.  But hey, if I have a manufacturer’s coupon that I can match with a store coupon and they’re on sale this week and the price comes to FREE, why not.  I’d turn into such a giver, sharing these freebies with shelters and such.

Since part of my time off is unpaid, and we now have a small (yet expensive) child to support, I’d find a way to make money while I was home, too.  Heck, maybe it’d even be enough that I could stay home forever.  I could find a work from home job online (because there are so many legitimate ones out there) where I set my own hours, or take up crocheting and make and sell baby hats (again, this would have to be learned in all of my free time) or maybe I could write a book or sell baked goods somewhere.

In addition to all of this, I would catch up on all those movies I’ve been meaning to watch, books I’ve been wanting to read, scrapbooks I’ve been meaning to make, dog training we’ve needed to do, new dessert recipes I’ve been wanting to try, etc. etc. etc.…

Here is how my days actually go:

Get up every couple of hours throughout the night for feeding.  Continue to do this until around 9.  Feed him again.  Get out of bed around 10.  Put Keller in his bouncy seat, which gives me about 10-15 minutes to shower and another 5 to put on clothes, fix my hair, etc.  Keller cries.  Get him out of his bouncy seat.  Feed him again around 11.  Put him down in his swing in order to get lunch.  Get Keller out of swing as soon as I’m getting ready to eat said lunch, due to crying.  Figure out how to eat lunch one handed, while standing up…and bouncing…and shhh-ing.  And this was on a good day.  Many days the crying started as soon as I put him in so I also had to make lunch one handed.  I’d manage to finish my lunch (or not) with him sleeping on me.  He’d wake up around 1 or 2 and I’d feed him yet again.  By this time, I’ve learned that I may as well not even attempt to put him down, and doing anything while holding a sleeping baby that can’t yet support his own head is nearly impossible, so what to do?  What else?  A favorite hobby of mine, which has become even more amazing with my little man.  Napping, of course.  There’s nothing greater than taking a nap while a sleeping baby naps on your chest.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t get much accomplished.  So, we’d get up around 4 and eat again (him, not me).  Dustin would get home and get dinner ready around 6:30…and, of course, Keller would wake up right around 6:29.  So, Dustin & I would take turns eating and then I would feed Keller.  And finally, I get a chance to get something done.  Woo Hoo!  So, I start by cleaning up dinner.  And then I might just have a chance to get a load of laundry started and that’s pretty much all she wrote folks.  Between feeding the ‘other’ kids and bath time and changing into pj’s and changing diapers and maybe picking up things around the house, the night’s pretty well gone too.  And even though I get nothing accomplished around my house, and it drives my ADD-type personality a little crazy, there is nothing in the world I’d rather be doing!  So, we’ll get up and do it all over again tomorrow.  Around 2 a.m.

Holy Hormones

I’ve always been a little emotional and a lot sensitive and sometimes even, admittedly, bitchy, but holy hormones!  My emotions have skyrocketed to a whole new level.  I assumed this to be somewhat normal at first, like in my first week home, as I cried reading “On The Day You Were Born” to Keller.  I’d never read the book before, but it instantly became a new favorite of mine (Thanks Laura!). 

And then a couple weeks later, I was watching Garth Brooks on Oprah and he sang Unanswered Prayers.  Now, I’ve heard the song many times and it never triggered any emotional response, but this time, the tears were a flowin’.  The song did have a little more meaning this time, as I thought about some of my recent unanswered prayers.  A few months before Keller came to be, there was another lil’ peanut growing in my belly, which we affectionately referred to as Baby A (for Andrews).  During week 9, we were devastated when we lost our Baby A.  Now, listening to Garth sing about how God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, I know that the greatest gift I’ve ever received, my Baby B, wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for unanswered prayers. 

Just a couple of weeks ago, a neighbor had given me a CD of random songs (Thanks Elizabeth!), so I popped it in the CD player in my vehicle on my way to a doctor’s appointment.  I was 30 seconds into song number 1 when the crying began.  Seriously?!?!  It’s been 6 weeks and I’m still having these emotional reactions?  So, now I’m wondering if my hormones are ever going to go back to normal, or if this is my new normal now.

As I’m listening to the song, I’m thinking about how in love with this little boy I am and how he won’t stay little for long and before I know it he’ll be going to school and then off to college and then getting married and having kids of his own.  Whoa, Lindsay!  These are seriously the things going through my mind.  My kid’s 6 weeks old and I’m getting upset about losing him to some tramp (Just kidding!  I’m sure she’ll be lovely.) and becoming a grandma.  This probably isn’t normal behavior.  In fact, I should probably seek help for my ‘baby issues.’

The funny part is, the song has nothing to do with him growing up or really anything related to the thoughts running through my mind.  The song I was listening to was Godspeed by the Dixie Chicks…if you haven’t heard it and you have a little man (or even if you don’t), give it a listen.  It’s pretty amazing…or maybe it’s just my hormones.

(Scroll in to the 1:45 mark if you don't want to hear the story behind the song...that's where the music starts.)

Obviously I'm New At This

A couple weeks ago, I bravely made the 3 hour trip back home all alone with my one month old.  Not only was this my first 3 hour trip alone with him, but my first time driving him anywhere farther than 5 minutes away, so I was sure it was going to be an adventure.  I’m thrilled to say the trip went very well.  He made little noises every so often to let me know he was still alive (and believe me I needed that reassurance). 

It was time for both of us to eat about halfway through our journey so I pulled over at a McDonald’s and got myself a little lunch and hopped in the back to feed us both.  I was about ¾ of the way done with my deliciously large sweet tea when the following conversation with myself runs through my head:

“Whew, I hope he’s done soon, I gotta pee.  (A few seconds pass.)  Hmm…I guess he can’t stay out in the car by himself.  How’s this gonna work?  I guess I’ll just have to take him in with me.  Wait.  How am I going to pee while I’m holding him?  Sheesh, I guess I’ll have to lug this car seat in.  Okay, but where’s his car seat going to go while I’m in the stall?  Well, maybe there’s a handicapped stall.  But what if there’s not or what if it’s dirty and I have to go into a normal sized stall?  I’m not big, but neither are bathroom stalls.  I’m not sure both me and him are going to fit…”

It was at this point I decided to quit stressing about it.  People do it all the time.  It can’t be that difficult.  I wouldn’t know though, because I opted to hold it the rest of the way.