Obviously I'm New At This #2

So, I’m completely delusional.  Prior to having Keller, I had this idea in my head as to how my life would be in the 12 weeks I was off work.  It was very June Cleaver-ish.  Or maybe you’d prefer Danny Tanner-ish, minus the job.  I couldn’t wait.  I knew I’d have a small child depending on me, but I also knew newborns sleep a lot.  So, while he was sleeping, I thought I’d just be a little worker bee and get so much accomplished.  Super Mom, they’d call me. (I’m not sure who ‘they’ are, but I was sure someone would call me that.)

Here is what I envisioned:

Obviously, my house would be clean at all times.  With 3 very shedding animals, this would require daily vacuuming.  And that’s not an exaggeration.  It would also require frequent dusting, several times per week.  But no problem, because I’ve got ALL day.  In fact, my house would be so clean, I’d be looking for things to clean.  I’d get to those things that always get put off, like ceiling fans and windows and the basement.

Laundry would always be caught up. 

I would make dinner every night.  The funny part about this is that Dustin is the cook in our house.  If it were up to me, we’d have grilled cheese or oatmeal every night.  So, this task would first require me learning how to cook.  But, geez, with 12 weeks…I’ll be a master chef by the time I have to go back to work.

I’d become a couponing queen, practically getting our groceries for free, while building up lifetime supplies of things like floss and body wash and cat treats that my cat doesn’t even eat.  But hey, if I have a manufacturer’s coupon that I can match with a store coupon and they’re on sale this week and the price comes to FREE, why not.  I’d turn into such a giver, sharing these freebies with shelters and such.

Since part of my time off is unpaid, and we now have a small (yet expensive) child to support, I’d find a way to make money while I was home, too.  Heck, maybe it’d even be enough that I could stay home forever.  I could find a work from home job online (because there are so many legitimate ones out there) where I set my own hours, or take up crocheting and make and sell baby hats (again, this would have to be learned in all of my free time) or maybe I could write a book or sell baked goods somewhere.

In addition to all of this, I would catch up on all those movies I’ve been meaning to watch, books I’ve been wanting to read, scrapbooks I’ve been meaning to make, dog training we’ve needed to do, new dessert recipes I’ve been wanting to try, etc. etc. etc.…

Here is how my days actually go:

Get up every couple of hours throughout the night for feeding.  Continue to do this until around 9.  Feed him again.  Get out of bed around 10.  Put Keller in his bouncy seat, which gives me about 10-15 minutes to shower and another 5 to put on clothes, fix my hair, etc.  Keller cries.  Get him out of his bouncy seat.  Feed him again around 11.  Put him down in his swing in order to get lunch.  Get Keller out of swing as soon as I’m getting ready to eat said lunch, due to crying.  Figure out how to eat lunch one handed, while standing up…and bouncing…and shhh-ing.  And this was on a good day.  Many days the crying started as soon as I put him in so I also had to make lunch one handed.  I’d manage to finish my lunch (or not) with him sleeping on me.  He’d wake up around 1 or 2 and I’d feed him yet again.  By this time, I’ve learned that I may as well not even attempt to put him down, and doing anything while holding a sleeping baby that can’t yet support his own head is nearly impossible, so what to do?  What else?  A favorite hobby of mine, which has become even more amazing with my little man.  Napping, of course.  There’s nothing greater than taking a nap while a sleeping baby naps on your chest.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t get much accomplished.  So, we’d get up around 4 and eat again (him, not me).  Dustin would get home and get dinner ready around 6:30…and, of course, Keller would wake up right around 6:29.  So, Dustin & I would take turns eating and then I would feed Keller.  And finally, I get a chance to get something done.  Woo Hoo!  So, I start by cleaning up dinner.  And then I might just have a chance to get a load of laundry started and that’s pretty much all she wrote folks.  Between feeding the ‘other’ kids and bath time and changing into pj’s and changing diapers and maybe picking up things around the house, the night’s pretty well gone too.  And even though I get nothing accomplished around my house, and it drives my ADD-type personality a little crazy, there is nothing in the world I’d rather be doing!  So, we’ll get up and do it all over again tomorrow.  Around 2 a.m.