I’ve always been a little emotional and a lot sensitive and sometimes even, admittedly, bitchy, but holy hormones! My emotions have skyrocketed to a whole new level. I assumed this to be somewhat normal at first, like in my first week home, as I cried reading “On The Day You Were Born” to Keller. I’d never read the book before, but it instantly became a new favorite of mine (Thanks Laura!).
And then a couple weeks later, I was watching Garth Brooks on Oprah and he sang Unanswered Prayers. Now, I’ve heard the song many times and it never triggered any emotional response, but this time, the tears were a flowin’. The song did have a little more meaning this time, as I thought about some of my recent unanswered prayers. A few months before Keller came to be, there was another lil’ peanut growing in my belly, which we affectionately referred to as Baby A (for Andrews). During week 9, we were devastated when we lost our Baby A. Now, listening to Garth sing about how God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, I know that the greatest gift I’ve ever received, my Baby B, wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for unanswered prayers.
Just a couple of weeks ago, a neighbor had given me a CD of random songs (Thanks Elizabeth!), so I popped it in the CD player in my vehicle on my way to a doctor’s appointment. I was 30 seconds into song number 1 when the crying began. Seriously?!?! It’s been 6 weeks and I’m still having these emotional reactions? So, now I’m wondering if my hormones are ever going to go back to normal, or if this is my new normal now.
As I’m listening to the song, I’m thinking about how in love with this little boy I am and how he won’t stay little for long and before I know it he’ll be going to school and then off to college and then getting married and having kids of his own. Whoa, Lindsay! These are seriously the things going through my mind. My kid’s 6 weeks old and I’m getting upset about losing him to some tramp (Just kidding! I’m sure she’ll be lovely.) and becoming a grandma. This probably isn’t normal behavior. In fact, I should probably seek help for my ‘baby issues.’
The funny part is, the song has nothing to do with him growing up or really anything related to the thoughts running through my mind. The song I was listening to was Godspeed by the Dixie Chicks…if you haven’t heard it and you have a little man (or even if you don’t), give it a listen. It’s pretty amazing…or maybe it’s just my hormones.
(Scroll in to the 1:45 mark if you don't want to hear the story behind the song...that's where the music starts.)
What a beautiful song, Linds...and such a sad sweet story behind the song. As for your newest post on Holy Hormones, trust me...I think you will now be forever hormonal if you feel the same way about your baby that I feel about you. It is so sweet to read how you feel about Keller...you have never really been the affectionate "hug" person that I am, but I can see you changing and becoming more like me now, at least in that way :)See what having a child does to you...such a wonderful feeling. And I will be the first to tell you, time flies..sometimes I wish I could reverse the clock and take you back to when you were just a wee child..I miss those days and miss having you here with me. Keep the stories coming...they are priceless!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, what a BEAUTIFUL comment for your mom to leave for you. Speaking as someone whose mom is no longer here, I can't tell you what a touching thing that is to read. Wow.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad the CD touched you deeply! And I don't think the hormones are what's causing all these feelings in you. Well, maybe it's a touch of the hormones. But mostly, it's love. Plain and simple! That's what all-consuming, unconditional love does to a person. It wrecks you AND completes you, all at the same time. You will never be the same again, but the good news is you will be even more whole and more full than you ever were before.
You will never hear a news story about child abuse the same way again. You will never attend a wedding without thinking about watching your own child walk down the aisle one day. You will never appreciate the word "Mommy" as much as you do when you hear it coming from your own baby's mouth.
Life become so much more precious when you have a child!
I totally agree with the above comments! Rome is almost 5 months now and I still cry at the drop of a hat with anything related to...love! This new kind of love just opens up the world and makes you see it all from a different perspective.
ReplyDeletep.s. - this post made me cry...and so did the song ;)
It dosen't end....his first step you will laugh then cry. The first time he mumbles I OV EW your heart will melt. Being a mother is the hardest most wonderful event ever. There were no hormones involved in the birth of our son, but I feel the same even 15 months later. You are a good mama hold him tight :o)
ReplyDeleteOh and when the tantrums start...you will love him even more!
I love those songs... Unanswered Prayers and Godspeed!! I love reading about your love for Keller. It sure does make you feel different about the world... I can't watch any movies anymore that anything awful happens to a child. It breaks my heart, I think what if it was mine. You can't lock them away from the world, they have to live.. hope it's a good ride!
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