Here's Your Update

Here’s the update I promised.  So, what have we been up to since the last time I wrote?  Well, Keller’s off to Kindergarten…okay, so it hasn’t been that long!

We had Keller baptized the middle of October and he was a perfect angel.  He didn’t cry once during the whole mass.  Not when they dumped water on his head and not even when Father Jerry paraded him down the aisle like he was dear Lord Baby Jesus himself.  Seriously, I was a little nervous.  I mean, he was holding him up in the air and all I was thinking was, “If Keller makes a move, his next move might be towards the floor.”  But I reminded myself we were in church and that would be a pretty mean Lord to hurt my baby in church at the hands of one of his own.

 

And then came the dreaded October 14^th.  The day mama had to go back to work.  You’ll be glad to know we all survived.  You were probably worried since I hadn’t written in so long.  It was a sad, sad, sad day, but it has gotten better.  I dreaded the day for weeks, months even, and when it finally came, I woke up and got ready for work and I was thinking, “This isn’t so bad.  I’m doing great.  Maybe this will be alright.”  So, I get ready and wake Dustin up (he stayed home with him and it was a Friday, so I only had one day to get through) to let him know I’m leaving and when Keller ate last, etc. and I feel myself getting a little emotional, but I suck it up because I know I’ll get no sympathy from Dustin.  Okay, ready to go.  Just need to give the little guy a kiss and I’m off.  And that’s when I lost it.  Oh, the tears.  They started flowing and they didn’t stop until I got to work.  I even pulled through McDonalds and got myself a little Frappe for my big day and as the guy asked me how I was and handed me my beverage, I answered “Good” through tear-stained cheeks.  Real convincing, Lindsay.  I composed myself in the parking lot at work, though I was on the verge of tears and knew this composure wouldn’t last long.  And it didn’t.  I got into work and cried as I told my co-workers how sad I was to be back.  I missed them and all, but I didn’t cry when I left them.  J  We’re almost up to 2 months and it has gotten easier…but I’m still trying to convince Dustin that my little boy needs me at home.  Clearly, I’m not doing a very good job.

 

How can I leave that sweet face?!



"Mom, are you really going to leave these sweet little chubby cheeks?"

Shortly after I went back to work, our Cardinals won the World Series.  Some of the most exciting baseball ever!  So that means the Cards won the World Series in the year Dustin & I were born (1982) and the year Keller was born.  Destiny.

Keller turned 3 months.

  

We celebrated our first Halloween.  Keller was a skunk, and hated it.  Marley was a hot dog and loved it.  Maya was a banana split, and she, like Keller, hated it.  We always sit in our driveway and hand out candy, and it was a pretty chilly evening here.  That, along with Keller’s crabbiness over being a skunk caused us to cut our evening short.  This led to us having an abundance of leftover Halloween candy.  Not to worry, it’s almost gone.  For some reason, my cravings came after I had the baby.  During my pregnancy I never really got cravings.  Now, I may eat an entire pan of brownies if left alone in a room with them.

And then he turned 4 months. 

The doctor gave us permission to move on to rice cereal and fruits and veggies.  So excited!  So we came home that night and gave it a go.  Not a big success, but I figure that’s to be expected when you’ve only known a liquid diet and there are suddenly flakes mixed in.  Tried again the next night…still not a fan. 





Night 1 - I don't think he likes it

This was taken a few days in by Aunt Emily.  I believe that's the face of a child that prefers liquids.

We have since moved on to some solids.  I am planning to make my own baby food, so we started by putting a little mashed banana in the rice cereal.  That was a little better.  We’ve also had avocado, which apparently is much better than rice cereal.  He ate it like it was the best thing he’s ever had…and at this point in his life, it probably is.

We had our first Thanksgiving, which was rather rushed being that I had to work on Friday.  We went back home and made our rounds, seeing as much family as we could fit into 24 hours.  Everyone was so excited to see Keller, as you can imagine.  And Dustin and I were there too.  :)

And that brings us (pretty much) up to date.



My Mom Rocks

I’m the type of person that always has to be up doing something (well, at least I was before baby) and there is no doubt I get that from my mother.  She came out last weekend for our annual Christmas shopping extravaganza and we shopped till we dropped.  Or, at least until Dustin had had enough father-son time.  (He called around 6:00 on Day 1 and couldn’t fathom that we weren’t done after 10 hours.  Seriously, honey, we’ve only just begun.)  So we shopped for 2 very full days and she bought me lots of great Christmas gifts and everything I picked up and considered buying for Keller she added to her shopping bag instead.  (And can I just say he is going to be one styling kid with his new baby Toms & baby Sperry’s.  Cutest things ever.  Let’s just hope he doesn’t have his dad’s Sperry allergy!)  She got us lunch and Starbucks everyday (which I’m really missing) and we reminisced about the good ol’ Christmas shopping days.  J

But what really makes her great is that even with all this shopping we did, she managed to be her usual busy-body self and decorate my house for Christmas, do a little dusting and vacuuming, do dishes and a bajillion loads of laundry (Yep, you read that right, a bajillion.  It’s a real number, look it up.), help take care of Keller & the four-legged children, and various other things that post-baby I just don’t get around to doing like I should.  And she even brought me out some dessert, which I don’t need but am eating it like I do.  And not to exclude Dustin, she made him some Chex mix.  She is so helpful and so willing to help and though I don’t tell her enough, I so appreciate everything she does for us.  Everyone should be so lucky to have a mom like mine.  Love you mama!

It's Been A While

Yeah, yeah – so it’s been a while.  I’m a slacker, what can I say?!?  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  Who knew how much work it is working full-time and being a full-time parent?  Not I.  I get home from work and all I want to do is love on my sweet boy and make up for the time I’ve missed.  And so I do.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t get my house cleaned or laundry done and it certainly doesn’t get a Blog written. 

A few nights ago, after Keller had gone to bed, I cleaned my bathroom vanity and let me tell you, the sense of accomplishment I felt, you’d have thought I ran a marathon or parallel parked my car or something (I’ve never done either one and likely never will).  Nevermind that the floor and the toilet and the tub were all still in need of a cleaning.  That vanity was clean, damn it and it felt good!  This is what my life has become…excitement over a clean vanity.  I may have a dirty house, but I also have a very, very loved little boy and that’s WAY more important.  I’ll provide an update soon.  In the meantime, here's a pic of my little lovebug.

Dear Keller

I saw somewhere where a parent wrote letters to their child as they were growing up and then gave them those letters as an adult.  I love the idea, so I’m stealing it.  This is the first one.

Dear Keller –

You are 10 weeks old.  I can’t believe how fast time has gone.  In less than 2 weeks I’ll have to go back to work, which will be the saddest day of my life.  Just writing about it makes me cry, so let’s not dwell on that. 

These days you really like the TV.  You are certainly your parents’ child in that respect.  You will focus on it for quite awhile.  You don’t seem to care what’s on, but I did notice you staring pretty intently during the Cowboys game Monday night. ;)  Your dad said when he woke up Tuesday morning you had both of your arms up in a touchdown signal.  Strangely, the Cowboys didn’t score any touchdowns, so you must have either been dreaming about them scoring one, or mimicking the officials signaling all of our field goals good.

Touchdown!

Watching TV

You also really like the ceiling fan, on or off.  I’m not sure what you can actually see, probably just a big blob, but it makes you smile, and that makes me smile.  Speaking of your precious little smile, you’re doing that a lot these days.  You’re the happiest right after you eat.  I lay you down and talk to you and you just smiiiiile.  There’s nothing I like better than seeing you smile. 

Love that smile!

You’ve started talking back to me, too (not like back sass talking back, but cooing).  We carry on long conversations with one another, neither of us understanding the other one’s language.  (“Baxter, you know I don’t speak Spanish.”)  Though an outsider probably couldn’t tell we don’t know what the other one’s saying. 

I do occasionally speak in other languages to you, just to keep you well-rounded.  Just things like “Hola” & “Como estas?” & “Puedo ir al bano?”  Okay, so I took 5 Spanish classes in high school and these are the only things I remember.  That’s better than my 2 French classes, from which I only remember “Je t’aime.”  That and “fromage” but it would be kind of silly to just walk around saying “cheese” to you.  So, I stick to Je t’aime and there’s really nothing more perfect that I could say to you.

You recently found your hand and like to suck on it, though you haven’t quite figured it out yet.  You like to try to shove the whole thing in your mouth, so usually you end up sucking on your fist.  You’ve found your thumb on occasion, but you quickly move on to your fist.  We’re trying to get you to take a pacifier, but you’re not sure about it.  You’ve also recently started blowing spit bubbles.

How can I get this whole fist in my mouth?



Blowing bubbles

We went for your 2 month checkup this week.  They say you’re perfect, which we already knew.  After much research and indecision, we decided to vaccinate you.  You did great…and I did, too.  We are choosing to do an alternative vaccination schedule because my job is to protect you and after all of the research that just left me more confused, I felt like this was the best way to do that.

You’re still sleeping in a bassinet in our room because I like to hear you breathe and watch you sleep.  I feel like it’s probably about time to move you to your own room, but that’s a big step and I’m just not sure I’m ready for that yet.  You sleep anywhere from 4 – 6 hours at night, which is great.  You sleep good during the day as well, as long as you’re being held.  If I put you down, you usually wake up within 15 or 20 minutes.  I have heard from quite a few people lately that I can’t “spoil” you until you’re at least 4 months or so, so I just hold you a lot, and that’s perfectly fine with me.  I would hold you all day if I could.

You like to be up…and bounced.  You also like to stand up…you’ve got strong little legs.  You like it when your mama sings to you, even though my voice is terrible.  You don’t mind.  You have big boy toots that make your dad laugh every time.  He appreciates any kind of toilet humor, which I’m sure you will inherit.  You love to be outside and I just love to be anywhere you are.

All My Love,

Mom

10/1/11

Obviously I'm New At This #2

So, I’m completely delusional.  Prior to having Keller, I had this idea in my head as to how my life would be in the 12 weeks I was off work.  It was very June Cleaver-ish.  Or maybe you’d prefer Danny Tanner-ish, minus the job.  I couldn’t wait.  I knew I’d have a small child depending on me, but I also knew newborns sleep a lot.  So, while he was sleeping, I thought I’d just be a little worker bee and get so much accomplished.  Super Mom, they’d call me. (I’m not sure who ‘they’ are, but I was sure someone would call me that.)

Here is what I envisioned:

Obviously, my house would be clean at all times.  With 3 very shedding animals, this would require daily vacuuming.  And that’s not an exaggeration.  It would also require frequent dusting, several times per week.  But no problem, because I’ve got ALL day.  In fact, my house would be so clean, I’d be looking for things to clean.  I’d get to those things that always get put off, like ceiling fans and windows and the basement.

Laundry would always be caught up. 

I would make dinner every night.  The funny part about this is that Dustin is the cook in our house.  If it were up to me, we’d have grilled cheese or oatmeal every night.  So, this task would first require me learning how to cook.  But, geez, with 12 weeks…I’ll be a master chef by the time I have to go back to work.

I’d become a couponing queen, practically getting our groceries for free, while building up lifetime supplies of things like floss and body wash and cat treats that my cat doesn’t even eat.  But hey, if I have a manufacturer’s coupon that I can match with a store coupon and they’re on sale this week and the price comes to FREE, why not.  I’d turn into such a giver, sharing these freebies with shelters and such.

Since part of my time off is unpaid, and we now have a small (yet expensive) child to support, I’d find a way to make money while I was home, too.  Heck, maybe it’d even be enough that I could stay home forever.  I could find a work from home job online (because there are so many legitimate ones out there) where I set my own hours, or take up crocheting and make and sell baby hats (again, this would have to be learned in all of my free time) or maybe I could write a book or sell baked goods somewhere.

In addition to all of this, I would catch up on all those movies I’ve been meaning to watch, books I’ve been wanting to read, scrapbooks I’ve been meaning to make, dog training we’ve needed to do, new dessert recipes I’ve been wanting to try, etc. etc. etc.…

Here is how my days actually go:

Get up every couple of hours throughout the night for feeding.  Continue to do this until around 9.  Feed him again.  Get out of bed around 10.  Put Keller in his bouncy seat, which gives me about 10-15 minutes to shower and another 5 to put on clothes, fix my hair, etc.  Keller cries.  Get him out of his bouncy seat.  Feed him again around 11.  Put him down in his swing in order to get lunch.  Get Keller out of swing as soon as I’m getting ready to eat said lunch, due to crying.  Figure out how to eat lunch one handed, while standing up…and bouncing…and shhh-ing.  And this was on a good day.  Many days the crying started as soon as I put him in so I also had to make lunch one handed.  I’d manage to finish my lunch (or not) with him sleeping on me.  He’d wake up around 1 or 2 and I’d feed him yet again.  By this time, I’ve learned that I may as well not even attempt to put him down, and doing anything while holding a sleeping baby that can’t yet support his own head is nearly impossible, so what to do?  What else?  A favorite hobby of mine, which has become even more amazing with my little man.  Napping, of course.  There’s nothing greater than taking a nap while a sleeping baby naps on your chest.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t get much accomplished.  So, we’d get up around 4 and eat again (him, not me).  Dustin would get home and get dinner ready around 6:30…and, of course, Keller would wake up right around 6:29.  So, Dustin & I would take turns eating and then I would feed Keller.  And finally, I get a chance to get something done.  Woo Hoo!  So, I start by cleaning up dinner.  And then I might just have a chance to get a load of laundry started and that’s pretty much all she wrote folks.  Between feeding the ‘other’ kids and bath time and changing into pj’s and changing diapers and maybe picking up things around the house, the night’s pretty well gone too.  And even though I get nothing accomplished around my house, and it drives my ADD-type personality a little crazy, there is nothing in the world I’d rather be doing!  So, we’ll get up and do it all over again tomorrow.  Around 2 a.m.

Holy Hormones

I’ve always been a little emotional and a lot sensitive and sometimes even, admittedly, bitchy, but holy hormones!  My emotions have skyrocketed to a whole new level.  I assumed this to be somewhat normal at first, like in my first week home, as I cried reading “On The Day You Were Born” to Keller.  I’d never read the book before, but it instantly became a new favorite of mine (Thanks Laura!). 

And then a couple weeks later, I was watching Garth Brooks on Oprah and he sang Unanswered Prayers.  Now, I’ve heard the song many times and it never triggered any emotional response, but this time, the tears were a flowin’.  The song did have a little more meaning this time, as I thought about some of my recent unanswered prayers.  A few months before Keller came to be, there was another lil’ peanut growing in my belly, which we affectionately referred to as Baby A (for Andrews).  During week 9, we were devastated when we lost our Baby A.  Now, listening to Garth sing about how God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, I know that the greatest gift I’ve ever received, my Baby B, wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for unanswered prayers. 

Just a couple of weeks ago, a neighbor had given me a CD of random songs (Thanks Elizabeth!), so I popped it in the CD player in my vehicle on my way to a doctor’s appointment.  I was 30 seconds into song number 1 when the crying began.  Seriously?!?!  It’s been 6 weeks and I’m still having these emotional reactions?  So, now I’m wondering if my hormones are ever going to go back to normal, or if this is my new normal now.

As I’m listening to the song, I’m thinking about how in love with this little boy I am and how he won’t stay little for long and before I know it he’ll be going to school and then off to college and then getting married and having kids of his own.  Whoa, Lindsay!  These are seriously the things going through my mind.  My kid’s 6 weeks old and I’m getting upset about losing him to some tramp (Just kidding!  I’m sure she’ll be lovely.) and becoming a grandma.  This probably isn’t normal behavior.  In fact, I should probably seek help for my ‘baby issues.’

The funny part is, the song has nothing to do with him growing up or really anything related to the thoughts running through my mind.  The song I was listening to was Godspeed by the Dixie Chicks…if you haven’t heard it and you have a little man (or even if you don’t), give it a listen.  It’s pretty amazing…or maybe it’s just my hormones.

(Scroll in to the 1:45 mark if you don't want to hear the story behind the song...that's where the music starts.)

Obviously I'm New At This

A couple weeks ago, I bravely made the 3 hour trip back home all alone with my one month old.  Not only was this my first 3 hour trip alone with him, but my first time driving him anywhere farther than 5 minutes away, so I was sure it was going to be an adventure.  I’m thrilled to say the trip went very well.  He made little noises every so often to let me know he was still alive (and believe me I needed that reassurance). 

It was time for both of us to eat about halfway through our journey so I pulled over at a McDonald’s and got myself a little lunch and hopped in the back to feed us both.  I was about ¾ of the way done with my deliciously large sweet tea when the following conversation with myself runs through my head:

“Whew, I hope he’s done soon, I gotta pee.  (A few seconds pass.)  Hmm…I guess he can’t stay out in the car by himself.  How’s this gonna work?  I guess I’ll just have to take him in with me.  Wait.  How am I going to pee while I’m holding him?  Sheesh, I guess I’ll have to lug this car seat in.  Okay, but where’s his car seat going to go while I’m in the stall?  Well, maybe there’s a handicapped stall.  But what if there’s not or what if it’s dirty and I have to go into a normal sized stall?  I’m not big, but neither are bathroom stalls.  I’m not sure both me and him are going to fit…”

It was at this point I decided to quit stressing about it.  People do it all the time.  It can’t be that difficult.  I wouldn’t know though, because I opted to hold it the rest of the way.

I'm One Month Old!

Hey!  This is Keller.  I’m writing for my mom because she’s sooo tired (she can’t help it, she’s old).  I had my one month birthday yesterday.  Woo Hoo!!  What a day it was!  Mom put me to bed around 9 (and then again around 10:30) Sunday night, but with my birthday quickly approaching, I was having a hard time sleeping.  So, I woke up again around 11:15, but I was still a little early for the big day.  So, back to sleep.  But the next time, PARTY!!  It was 12:25 a.m. on 08/22, my one-month birthday!  This is it!  ♪Celebration…let’s all celebrate and have a good time!♪  Put on your party hats, party people.  Break out the cake and ice cream. (None for me, thanks. I’ll just have milk.) 

So, I ate and mom put me back to sleep around 1.  Then 2:00 rolled around.  It’s still my birthday!  ♪Go Shorty.  It’s your birthday.♪  Why aren’t we up partying?  So then we were.  Mom fed me and put me in my bed half an hour later.  What she didn’t know is that I was only pretending to be sleeping…little trick I learned.  She put me down and Surprise!  ♪Happy Birthday to Me, Happy Birthday to Me…♪  Mom, we can’t sleep now, my big day’s just begun.  So, we didn’t.  We stayed awake to celebrate this momentous occasion.  To add to the fun of the day, as mom was changing my diaper, I went ahead and peed.  That’s another little trick I’ve learned and gotten really good at.

Back to sleep around 3 and back up around 4:45.  Now mom, this is getting ridiculous.  We’re sleeping away my big day.  ♪It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.♪  Even so, mom thought sleep was important.  So, back to sleep around 5:15 and back up around 7.  Back to sleep around 7:20 and back up shortly after 8.  Finally mom wisened up and just let me sleep on her chest, my favorite way to sleep (and hers, too).

That afternoon I got to meet my cousin Rome for the first time (and Brooke and Aunt Joni, too).  We talked about sports and trucks and women…you know, guy stuff.  Mama says he’s really cute.  He likes to stick his tongue out…I gotta learn how to do that.

After our long day, mom was totally unprepared for my one month pictures…she didn’t have a sign or an outfit or anything.  What a slacker.  So, she just snapped a few photos right before bed.  Sweet mom.

Speaking of bed, if it’s possible, I slept even worse that night than the night before.  Must have been all the excitement from my big day, but I was not done celebrating yet.  I get that from my Grandma Keller.  I mean, she celebrates her birthday for an entire month.  All I’m asking is for one full day.

Even after all of this, Mom said it’s been the best month of her life.  It’s been the best month of my life too.  ;) 

Party on, Wayne.  Party on, Garth.

Stupid F***in' Duck

We gave Keller his first real bath a couple weeks ago and it went real bad.  Let me start by telling you the moral of this story is – Use common sense, not a rubber duck.  Read on…

So, I was all excited to give him his first bath and try out his new bathtub.  Now, the little man hates to be cold (he gets this from his mama), so I wasn’t sure how well he was going to like this.  He cries and trembles anytime he gets his diaper or clothes changed, so being naked in a tub of water might not be his thing, but I was excited to give it a try nonetheless. 

So, Dustin’s getting him ready and I’m getting his tub ready.  Enter the rubber duck.  We registered for and received one of the water temperature rubber ducks.  All you new parents know it…it has something on the bottom that tells you if the water is too hot for baby.  I thought it changed colors, like from the yellow to red if it was too hot, but that’s not the case (that would make too much sense).  Instead, it has a purple dot on the bottom with the word HOT, also in purple.  If the water’s too hot, HOT turns white.  Got it, let’s give it a go. 

I put it in the water…HOT.  Okay, let’s go a little cooler.  Try it again…HOT.  Hmm.  It doesn’t feel that hot to me, but I like my bath water just under scalding, so I’m probably not the best judge.  Colder still…HOT still.  Now, what the hell?!?!  This goes on until the water is cold.  Not warm or lukewarm, but cold.  And the damn duck is still yelling HOT.  (Okay, it doesn’t actually yell, but we all know that all caps signifies yelling.)

This is where common sense should come into play, but I’m just trying to obey the duck.  I mean, I’m a new mom, and I don’t know any better and I don’t expect the cute, innocent looking duck is going to lead me astray.  (I should also note the duck has on a police officer uniform.  Who wouldn’t trust a police officer duck?)  I certainly don’t want to scald my child.  And then I’d have to take him to the ER within his first 2 weeks of life like a terrible mother.  And then DCFS would have to come in and I’d have to explain that I disobeyed they duck and they’d be all “Why wouldn’t you listen to the duck?  It even has a police uniform on for crying out loud.”

So, onto the bath.  He’s pissed already because he’s naked and cold, which of course causes him to literally piss…right on my hand.  It must be a motherly instinct thing that kicks in, because pee on my hand would normally be repulsive, but it doesn’t even phase me.  Lower him into the tub…even more pissed.  Screaming, crying, trembling.  All this is causing me to become totally frazzled.  Dustin’s trying to help, but there’s not much that could help the situation at that point.  So, he got about a 45 second washing and I decided that was enough torture (for all of us) for one night.  We got him all wrapped up and warmed up and settled down in his towel and *Squirt*.  Yep, he pooped in the towel.  Pretty much sums up what he thought about that bath.  I’m sorry Keller, that you have to be our little guinea pig, but that’s part of being the oldest child.  At least it only took one, really fast, bath to figure it out. 

I am happy to report that he has had several baths since that first one, and he actually enjoys them.  The duck was retired after just one bath.  He’s currently unemployed, but will take on the role of ‘bath toy’ in the future. 

After the first bath - didn't even have time to take my pic in the tub

2nd bath - this isn't so bad!

Note the evil duck in the background...just a toy at this point

Labor Music

I looked all over the internet for several months prior to my due date for songs that would be good to play during labor and, though I found a couple suggestions of artists, I didn’t ever find a good playlist like I was looking for.  So, I thought I’d share mine in case it may help anybody.  It’s all pretty mellow music, because dance jams aren’t really appropriate in the delivery room.  A lot of these are love songs meant for ‘lovers’ (I hate that word), but I’ve found it’s amazing how many of the verses or entire songs can actually be applied to my love for my new little man.  Anyway, here’s my list:

1. Night Train – Amos Lee (Not really the best lyrics for a delivery, but I like the song)
2. When I’m 64 – The Beatles
3. Morning Yearning – Ben Harper
4. Happy Ever After In Your Eyes – Ben Harper
5. When She Believes – Ben Harper
6. Burn One Down – Ben Harper (Okay, not the best lyrics at all for a delivery, but this is one of my favorite songs of his.  Not because I ‘burn one down’, just a great little beat.)
7. Is This Love – Bob Marley & The Wailers
8. No Woman, No Cry – Bob Marley & The Wailers (I had to smile a little when this song came on during the pain of labor.)
9. Three Little Birds – Bob Marley & The Wailers
10. Stir It Up – Bob Marley & The Wailers
11. One Love – Bob Marley & The Wailers
12. When Did You Fall in Love with Me – Chris Rice
13. Arms – Christina Perri  ‘I never thought that you’d be the one to hold my heart.  But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start.’
14. You’re the World to Me – David Gray 
15. Banana Pancakes – Jack Johnson
16. Questions – Jack Johnson
17. Supposed to Be – Jack Johnson
18. Do You Remember – Jack Johnson
19. Better Together – Jack Johnson
20. Talk of the Town – Jack Johnson & Kawika Kahiapo
21. Lullaby- Jack Johnson & Matt Costa
22. Better Man – James Morrison  'For you, I give my soul to keep.  You see me, love me, just the way I am.  For you, I am a better man.  I said you are the reason for everything that I do.  I'd be lost, so lost, without you.'
23. You Give Me Something – James Morrison
24. Coming Home – John Legend
25. You and Tequila – Kenny Chesney & Grace Potter
26. Come Away With Me – Norah Jones
27. Kandi – One EskimO
28. Good Life – OneRepublic
29. Just Breathe – Pearl Jam
30. Blackbird – Sarah Maclachlan

Keller's Birth Day

So, little man, the story of your birth all starts on Thursday, July 21st.  I had a little talk with you on my way to work that morning (as I'm sure you remember), informing you how that would be a good day to make your big arrival...if you were ready.  I was already 4 cm dilated and our doctor was on call that day, and that day only.  Plus, this was about the last day you could come so that we could still make aunt Ashley's wedding.  Being that you were getting your first 'real' uncle, I know you knew it was pretty important that you be there.  So, the rest of that day went as normal.  That night I decided to go for a little walk, just in case that might help you to make your descent.  When I say little walk, I mean little.  It was about 100 degrees out with a pregnancy heat index of 200.  So, we made it about a block before I felt like I was going to pass out and came back in.  That must have been all you needed though.

That night I woke up to pee around 11:00 and again at 12:30 and again at 2:30.  This may not sound strange for a pregnant woman, but for me it was.  You woke me up like clockwork every night in the 1:00 hour and 4:00 hour for peeing, so all of this extra was a little unusual.  As I woke up at 2:30, I decided to see if it would just go away and I could go back to sleep.  I remember Maya laying right beside me and I hated to disturb her.  Waiting it out lasted about 10 seconds before I could hold it no longer (Oh my goodness, am I peeing myself?), so I ran to the bathroom.  At this point, I wasn't sure if my water had broken or if I'd just officially lost control of my bladder.

I yelled at your dad letting him know something was going on and he said "Okay" or something equally as helpful (don't wake daddy when he's sleeping), so we called the doctor instead, who advised us to head to the hospital.

Now, it's a good thing I wasn't in any pain at that point, because we both just kind of mosied around the house as if this were any other morning.  We brushed our teeth, finished packing bags and loaded them in the car, discussed what we should do with the dogs, rounded up the laptop, phones, chargers, camera, etc.  Thirty minutes later we were on our way to the hospital and by 4:30 we were in our delivery room, calling and delivering the news (we couldn't call on our way to the hospital and get everyone excited and on their way only to find out I'd peed myself).

The contractions were getting pretty strong by this time and I held out until around 6, when I could take no more and asked nicely for the nurse to come in with the epidural.  When I hadn't heard anything 10 minutes later, I might have dropped an f-bomb, but that was the only time, and I think that's pretty good, all things considered. 

So, the epidural came around 6 (oh, sweet relief!) and when I was still only at 4 cm, the pitocin came around 7.  Never did I imagine I'd be in labor, hanging out watching the Today Show, but that's just what we did.  Aunt Ashley and Uncle Nick came and then Grandma Keller showed up and then Mamaw & Papaw Andrews...all of us just hanging out in the delivery room like we did this all the time.

At 10:00 I was fully dilated so the pushing began (I will fast forward through all the messy details here) and at 10:58 a.m., you did it...you made your arrival into the world.

From the second I laid eyes on you and you were laid on my chest, I was totally in love.  Now, I love your dad and all of your family and your four-legged siblings as if they were my kids, but this love...this was a love unlike any I'd ever known before.  I've known my whole life that I wanted to be a mother, but never could I have imagined just how great it would be.  I stare at you while you sleep and am still amazed that you're mine.  You are absolutely perfect and I feel like the luckiest person in the whole world.  I love you Keller Allen.

P.S.  The doctor called you a miracle baby because something happened with the placenta, but I was on morphine at that point so it wasn't making any sense to me and, though your dad wasn't on morphine, I don't think he really understood it either.  No matter what, you are our little miracle!